


Spider-Man: Junior Prom

by kormantic



Category: Queer Eye RPF, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Baby's first tux, Cinnamon rolls, Fluff, Gen, sweethearts being dollfaces together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 08:22:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17076758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kormantic/pseuds/kormantic
Summary: The Fab Five come to Peter's friendly neighborhood.





	Spider-Man: Junior Prom

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Redrikki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redrikki/gifts).



JONATHAN (HEAD OUT THE WINDOW OF THE SUV): That's right, New Yorkers! We are queens in Queens!

KARAMO (READING): On the docket for today: Peter Parker, 5’6”, 140 pounds--

JONATHAN: Oh, he’s a wee one!

KARAMO: This boy just turned the big 1-6 and--

BOBBY (DRIVING): Oh my god, he’s just a baby!

KARAMO: He’s a junior at the Mid Town School of Science and Technology--

TAN (NODDING): He’s a scholar. I like that.

KARAMO: And he’s getting ready to take his crush to the prom!

ANTONI: Prom! I loved prom. I went to prom three times one year, with three different girls.

JONATHAN: Of course you did, honey.

TAN (GASPS): Does this mean I get to give him his first tux?

JONATHAN: Awww, he’s just a little tuxedo virgin!

KARAMO: According to his Aunt May, he was bullied when he was a little boy because he practiced BALLET!

JONATHAN: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT. He’s a little cinnamon roll en pointe!

KARAMO: He was nominated by Aaron Davis, a member of the community who wants him to have some positive male role models--

BOBBY: That is really sweet. And that he understands that gay men can be role models. That is so progressive.

KARAMO: And also someone to coach him a little on aspects of gender and sexuality, and to show him there isn’t just one way to be a man.

TAN: Oh, that’s lovely.

ANTONI: My heart just grew, like, three sizes just now. I can only imagine what high school could have been like for me if I’d had _us_ , you know?

ALL: Awwwwww

JONATHAN: I _know_ , right? I would _definitely_ be a queen or a president right now if I’d had that kind of head start.

CUT TO:

AARON DAVIS: I don’t know the, like, right terminology or whatever, but that kid maybe has some gender confusion to work out? He was pretty upset when I accidentally, like, misgendered him, saying I thought he was a girl. Like, way overfocused, you know what I mean? He was tender about it. Anyway, he did me a solid. I mean, boy literally saved my life. So I owe him one. I know what it’s like growing up without a dad, and I don’t want him to get messed up by it. I mean, I know he lives with his Auntie, and she’s got the parenting thing handled, but the kid could use some help. Ms. May, though. She don’t need _no_ help, you dig? Mm-mmmn.

CUT TO:

(ALL CROWDED AT THE DOOR OF THE APARTMENT)

(MAY opens the door)

MAY: Hey you guys! It’s so great to see you. I made sangria, so help yourself, and sit anywhere.

(ALL TAKE TURNS HUGGING MAY, SERVING THEMSELVES SANGRIA, CHATTERING AND POKING AROUND)

JONATHAN (STARING UP AT MAY): I need to WORSHIP. (SKETCHES SIGN OF THE CROSS) How can I BE you? Teach me EVERYTHING.

MAY: That’s so flattering, honestly. It’s just yoga. And good genes.

JONATHAN: And good JEANS, queen. I mean this, and I know that we just met, but I mean this so sincerely: I love you. Please let me brush your gorgeous hair.

TAN: He’s right, that is a tremendous ensemble. I love it when a woman really knows who she is. Body skimming fabrics showcase your confidence.

BOBBY (LOOKING AROUND): It’s a little spartan, maybe. But good bones and plenty to work with.

MAY: It’s been two years. Since we lost Ben. And when we sold the house, we had to downsize a lot… and um. I just haven’t gotten around to really setting the place up yet.

BOBBY (TOUCHING HER ARM): That’s totally understandable. But we’re here to help, and make your space as beautiful and welcoming as you are.

MAY: You’re all so sweet.

ANTONI (RUMMAGING IN THE FRIDGE): I feel like there’s too much kale here. Like, just kale, kale kale. How much kale do you really need? But this sangria? Fantastic.

KARAMO: So where’s our victim?

MAY: He should be home from school any time now.

(DOOR OPENS)

PETER: Aunt May, I’m--

(PETER WEBS EVERYONE BUT MAY TO THE WALL)

PETER (STANDING IN FRONT OF MAY): Okay. Okay. This is fine. Everything’s fine. Karen, call Tony.

KAREN: Dialing Tony Stark’s personal phone.

JONATHAN: Oh, he knows Tony! We haven’t seen him since the Vanity Fair Oscar Party!

PETER: Aunt May, I think you should take the fire escape. I don’t know how many more will show up, but they probably won’t hurt you with witnesses.

BOBBY: I was just thinking these walls needed some texture. But this is definitely not what I had in mind.

TONY (ON PHONE): Hey Underoos, what can I do for you?

PETER: There’s some kind of strike force or something here and they were going to hurt Aunt May and I may have… webbed them all without changing into my gear first, and they… look kind of familiar.

ANTONI (LAUGHING): Strike force?

TAN: I’ve never felt so butch in my life.

JONATHAN (POUTING): I’ve got webby stuff in uncomfortable places.

KARAMO (SADLY): I don’t think any dry cleaner in the world could get this out of a sequined jacket.

MAY: Peter! These are my guests!

PETER: I think I may have… um. Overreacted.

MAY (TO FAB FIVE): Finals. I don’t think he’s been sleeping, and someone tried to kidnap me last week. You know how it is. He’s a little on edge.

KARAMO: Anyone would be.

TONY: Sounds like you’ve got a makeover montage in your future, kid. I’ll send Friday over - don’t let anybody leave without signing the NDA. You guys realize you can’t run this one, right? I’ll send a contact to secure the rights. Oh and Bobby, if you’ve got any free time, I’ve got the house in Malibu to re-build, and I’d love your input. Friday can give you the details. Call me.

BOBBY: Will do!

TONY: Parker, remember when we talked about leaping before you look?

PETER: Yes, Mr. Stark.

TONY: This is pretty much that.

PETER: Yeah.

TONY: Peace out, everybody. Tan, see if you can’t get him into some nicer shoes. Maybe something in a Cuban heel.

TAN: You can depend on it, Tony.

PETER (ABASHED): Um. Hi. Let me get you down.

(LATER)

KARAMO: Let’s talk about this guilt you feel about your Uncle’s death. Your actions in the moment may have been petty, but they were also understandable. How old were you then?

PETER: Day after my birthday. I was 14.

KARAMO: And if you had known he was truly dangerous, that he had a gun, would you have let him go?

PETER: No! No way. I would have taken the gun and left tied him up for the cops with all the cash on him. Well. Maybe minus what Mr. Haggarty was supposed to give me.

KARAMO: So intellectually, you realize that you acted on the information you had, and the other guy, he’s the one who made that choice, he’s the one who took your uncle’s life. It was not your fault.

PETER (WIPES HIS EYE WITH THE BACK OF HIS HAND): I know that. I know that. But it doesn’t _feel_ that way, you know?

KARAMO: And feelings are important, but sometimes we have to transcend them. Let the past go, let the guilt go with it. Now, I think you told me that right before he died, your uncle gave you some advice. Can you tell me what it was?

PETER: Basically he said I was growing up and I had to take responsibility for stuff and be careful about the choices I made.

KARAMO: That’s right. You’re becoming a young man now, and these are the years when a man changes into the man he's gonna become the rest of his life. Who do you want to be?

PETER (CAUTIOUSLY): Spider-Man…?

KARAMO: Spider-Man is only a suit. There’s no Spider-Man without Peter Parker. And Peter Parker is brave, kind, thoughtful and one _hell_ of a dancer.

PETER: Aunt May showed you the videos, didn’t she?

KARAMO: She showed us the videos. Now. Who do you want to be when you grow up?

PETER (CONFIDENTLY): Peter Parker.

KARAMO (PROUDLY, LIFTING HAND FOR A HIGH FIVE): There’s my boy!

(CUT TO JONATHAN AND MJ DRINKING LA CROIX IN THE SCHOOL GYM)

JONATHAN: ...and you are FIERCE. And you know, I use that word kind of a lot, right? But for YOU, you are the epitome of Fierce, I mean, for real, the platonic ideal, honey.

MJ (SUSPICIOUSLY): … Thank you…?

JONATHAN: Okay, real talk. A little birdie told me that Peter Parker wants to take you to Prom.

MJ: He already asked me. I said yes. But I don’t know if I’ll wear a dress or not. And you couldn't pay me to wear heels.

JONATHAN: They are not for everyone, it’s true. Now, I wanted to have a little convo with you. Peter has some things he wants to say to you, and I just want to remind you that it can be EXCRUCIATING to tell other people your truth, so when he DOES tell you--

MJ (ROLLING HER EYES): That he’s Spider-Man.

JONATHAN: Hush your mouth! Yes, exactly, when he tells you that he’s Spider-Man, you have to pretend you’re surprised or you’ll hurt her feelings. You know she’s a sensitive young flower!

MJ: You’re not wrong. I always feel kinda bad when I’m mean to him. But it’s so easy to be mean to him that it’s almost fun, you know?

JONATHAN: What did I say? Fierce.

(CUT TO ANTONI AND PETER STANDING IN A RESTAURANT KITCHEN)

ANTONI: Gauri here is the head chef at Seva and she’s going to show us how to make saag paneer. We’re going to make our own paneer here and when you cook this for your Aunt May at home, we can use some of that mountain of kale in your fridge instead of spinach.

PETER: But I thought we’d learn to make larb. It’s her favorite. And isn’t larb Laotian?

ANTONI: The guys will give me so much crap about throwing some ground meat on a plate garnished with some lemongrass and cilantro and calling it fast casual cuisine, you have no idea.

PETER: I’m pretty sure there’s more to it--

ANTONI (HANGING HIS HEAD SPREADING HIS HANDS ON THE COUNTER WITH A SIGH): Just. Just let me have this.

PETER (ENTHUSIASTICALLY): Let’s make saag paneer!

(CUT TO TAN IN A SHOP WITH PINS IN HIS MOUTH, PETER ON A TAILOR’S PEDESTAL. JONATHAN IS OBSERVING.)

JONATHAN: … maybe trim every six weeks, and I’ll leave you with that pomade I was talking about. And I almost forgot the lip scrub! Tragedy aVERted! It’s so gorgeous, you’ll feel minty fresh and be ready for all that post-prom smoochin’.

TAN: Now, I want to set you apart. And if you wear all one color, it’ll make you look taller.

PETER: Taller? But I’m not tall.

TAN: Fashion is the illusion that brings the man into focus, Peter.

PETER (DUBIOUSLY): Sure?

TAN: Let’s show off those shoulders. The sleeves, yes, tailored at the waist. I’m thinking black velvet lapels.

PETER (ANXIOUS): You don’t think I’ll stand out a little _too_ much?

JONATHAN: People will see _you_. That’s so scary, but it’s so important. Don’t be afraid of it. Shine, you little star. Ohmigosh, Tan, he needs some sparkle!

TAN: I was thinking a military stripe? But embellished. Yes. Yessss.

(BOBBY, INTERIOR, PETER’S BEDROOM).

BOBBY: The blackout curtains should help you sleep - and they won’t just keep out the sun, but a lot of the city noise as well. It should really help with your hypervigilance. Your body won’t always be straining to hear a car alarm so you can stop a bad guy. That’s what the police are for, Peter. Let them take the night shift, at least while you’re in school.

PETER: The automatic windows are gonna make it so much easier to get in at night. I’m totally gonna try it as soon as it’s dark.

BOBBY: Now, let’s talk about the importance of an accent wall in a small room...

(MAY SITS ON A NEW RED VELVET COUCH WITH JONATHAN CLUTCHING HER ARM; IT IS FESTOONED WITH COLORFUL CANVAS THROW PILLOWS THAT ANTONI, BOBBY, AND KARAMO PLAYFULLY BAT AROUND. THE MODEST APARTMENT IS NOW HUNG WITH FRAMED PHOTOS OF PETER AND HIS FAMILY, VINTAGE BAND FLYERS, HEADLINES ABOUT SPIDER-MAN RESCUING LOCAL CITIZENS.)

TAN: Are you ready for magic hour?

(ANTONI, BOBBY, KARAMO HOLD HANDS IN EAGER ANTICIPATION)

PETER (IN A RED PLAID SUIT, SEEN ON VARIOUS CAST MEMBERS IN SEASON TWO, TAILORED TO FIT, WITH BLACK SATIN LAPELS AND BLACK BOW TIE. THE PANTS HAVE A BROAD SATIN MILITARY STRIPE ALONG THE SEAM, GLEAMING WITH A ROW OF SWAROVSKI CRYSTALS): What d’you think?

MAY (CLAPPING HANDS): Oh, you’re a knockout!

KARAMO: That boy is a prince. Your date is going to swoon. Swoon!

ANTONI: Did he tie that bow tie by himself? I’m impressed.

JONATHAN: I told you! You are just a star, twinkling away…

BOBBY: “Twink”-ling?

(JONATHAN SLAPS AT BOBBY’S SHOULDER)

JONATHAN: Fresh.

TAN: Now, I have a little surprise for everyone. Seeing as Peter here has to be on call should unspeakable evil strike the city, I’ve made it so that you can swap into your suit even faster, with…

(YANKS OFF PETER’S PANTS WITH ONE TUG. PETER SPUTTERS, PANICKED, HOLDING HIS HANDS IN FRONT OF HIS BOXER SHORTS)

TAN: Tear away pants! They’re velcro all along the satin seam here, do you see that?

MAY: Don’t lose them this time!

BOBBY: That’s some solid engineering.

ANTONI: Easy breezy.

KARAMO: Fashion FORWARD.

JONATHAN: Girl, you are gonna SLAY.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to R for giving this the once over!
> 
> Redrikki, your prompts were delightful, and I hope you enjoy this bit of fluff. Have a gorgeous Yule, Queen!


End file.
